


Enough

by kstarlight



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: 3racha love each other, Anxiety, Bang Chan is a Sweetheart, Changbin is baby, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Han Jisung | Han is Whipped, Insecurities, M/M, Stress, chan and jisung love their baby, changbin deserves the world
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-20
Updated: 2020-04-20
Packaged: 2021-03-01 22:55:19
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,850
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23754958
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kstarlight/pseuds/kstarlight
Summary: It’s so easy to feel like nothing’s enough sometimes. You can do all you can and still feel completely out of control, like the sky is falling.Changbin’s tired of not feeling like enough.
Relationships: Bang Chan & Han Jisung | Han & Seo Changbin, Bang Chan/Han Jisung | Han/Seo Changbin, Bang Chan/Seo Changbin, Han Jisung | Han/Seo Changbin
Comments: 2
Kudos: 152





	Enough

**Author's Note:**

> I’ve been soft for Changbin lately, and also feeling stressed so I projected my feelings out of a moment of anxiety and the need to vent, I honestly think it helped..

The world could swallow Changbin whole today and he would feel powerless to stop it.Everything was monochromatic and numb. His mind fought against the lingering of bad thoughts, rendering him helpless as if cold, foreign winds swept over him and made his mood somber significantly.

He watched the clock on the wall tick, precious time unable to stop. The voices in his head offered useless and antagonizing thoughts. Their words were deadly right now. Though the answer was as simple as anxiety, there failed to exist a logical reason for any of it, and so began his frustration for letting emotions get the best of him  again.

Sometimes productivity was the most helpful way to get these feelings off his chest. Using his passion as a distraction was usually all it took to make him feel better. Write a new verse, create a new melody, record something he’s proud of. If he could do a little something to feel good and progressive about, then it would outweigh the negativity trying to pull him down. 

But today, he found spending time at the studio wasn't actually helping at all. In fact, the grief it was causing was just excruciating. His hand hovered over countless blank pages in his notebook, while all the words he couldn’t seem to get out swept over his mind too fast to even sort out. Everything was fleeting. His feelings, the time, his progress. 

He couldn’tconvey an ounce of what he wanted to do. He just felt like a jumbled up mess today.

After prolonged time spent coming up with nothing, Changbin defeatedly packed his stuff to head back to the dorm, taking a frigid and lonesome walk home. 

His sneakers scuffed the concrete as he moved, legs too heavy to fully lift up with each step. He focused on the sound to gather a sense of grounding, counting each scuff of his heel on rocky pavement seemed to preoccupy him enough to walk without the burden of his head rushing in a whirl of useless thoughts that could make him swear the sky was falling. 

He finally reached the dorm and went inside, chest still heavy. He tried desperately to tune out the rapid beat of his heart. 

It was mostly quiet inside, aside for the sound of Felix's gaming system and who he assumed was Jeongin laughing along with him while screaming nonsensical orders about the game. It brought a small content feeling to his heart that at least they were enjoying a day off. 

Without bothering to see who else was around he went straight for his room, wanting nothing more than to crawl into bed. Stirring in his anxieties wouldn't do much good, but every ounce of uselessness he felt was rising and rising to a point where his eyes might give out in a flood of tears from the pressure behind his skull. If he could rest his head and sort out the voices scattering in his subconscious than maybe he’d feel better by tomorrow.

The doorknob squeaked as he turned it right and stumbled into his room. There hadn't been a sound coming from within as he walked down the hall, leading him to believe it was empty, but alas he entered to find  Chan and Jisung. 

His boyfriends were huddled on Changbin’s bed watching some kdrama on the youngers phone. 

At Changbin’s entrance their heads snapped up.

"Oh,” Changbin exhaled, for some reason nervously at their gazes. He lowered his head to the floor, he knew his eyes were red from resisting the urge to cry. "I didn't know you were in here.”

Jisung bounced up from Chan’s arms with a smile. “We missed you! We wanted to wait for you," he insisted.

"We only left this bed to get food," Chan informed, pausing the show so they wouldn't miss anything. He and Jisung were too focused on Changbin, watching as he shuffled awkwardly to the desk chair in the corner of the room and sat down with a sigh. 

Changbin decided to used his phone as a clutch, unaware of his boyfriends stares burning into him questioningly. He pretended to look busy, when really he didn't wish to seem suspicious for not being in his usual good mood. 

It looked like Chan and Jisung had already noticed something was off at that. By now Changbin would’ve immediately greet them with cuddles and clinginess, but keeping a distance like this wasn’t like him. 

_Thats odd_ , Jisung thought, pursing his lips.

"How were things at the studio?" Chan piped up. Changbin nearly dropped the phone from his lap as a weight traveled over his heart, his body felt like it was weighed down with shackles as he thought back on sitting in the empty recording booth with a pen held in his trembling fingers. 

"I couldn't come up with anything," he murmured below his breath, but his voice still carried softly.The eyes of his boyfriends softened, but they shrugged it off with nonchalance.

"That's okay, hyung," Jisung offered, voice so sweet it made Changbin’s eyes start watering again.

"Not every day can be productive. You did a lot this week," Chan reminded proudly. 

Changbin’s heart was in his throat at the mention of it. Chan had only said something good, but with how overwhelmed he was by this threaded ball of nonsensical queries and doubts it was just about going to make him cry.  _ Great.  _

"I mean I-I tried—" Changbin feigned at how weak his voice came across, until it finally broke. 

“I just wasn’t good enough today...”

His breathless tone alerted Jisung first, the youngers eyes widening in misunderstanding to the small sound of his hyung. He turned to Chan, assuming a reaction from him as well. Chan seemed as conflicted as Jisung, lips curving sadly. 

Jisung slid from the edge of the bed and padded across the room. 

"Hey, hyung, are you crying?" He stroked Changbin’s cheek with the pad of his thumb, but the older pulled away and that was an answer in itself. 

Chan scrambled up and joined Jisung in comforting the clearly distraught boy before them. 

"What’s wrong Binnie?" The older gaped. 

Changbin was fighting it so hard. The tears were already falling but he had yet to completely let himself go. He couldn’t seem weak, he couldn’t do this to his boyfriends, they had their own worries and today was their day off, it shouldn’t be there problem that he decided to work today to help his feelings of anxiety only to make it worse.  But the more he thought the more it hurt and resisting the urge to fall apart, knowing Jisung and Chan would be there, was getting too hard.

A broken, heart wrenching sob cracked the silent atmosphere. Chan and Jisung were reeling towards Changbin with worry filled eyes. 

" Bin,”  Chan tried, sharing a feeble glance with Jisung. "It's us, baby. Please talk to us." He wrapped his arms around him and pressed against the boys shoulder with his chin, their weight combined probably making the desk chair nearly break beneath them. 

The blond ran his fingers through Changbin’s soft dark hair, keeping every motion steady. It gradually pulled ease into him. Jisung patted Chan’s shoulder and nodded back to the bed so he got the message.

"Come on," Chan cooed, grabbing Changbin’s hands and helping him up. The younger let out a soft whine and tried ducking his head to hide his face, but it was useless.

Jisung took his other free hand and led them towards the mattress.  They settled against the pillows, Chan and Jisung squeezing in on either side of Changbin, placing one arm around his torso. They could feel his staggering hitches of breath every few seconds, forming identical frowns on their faces. They decided to let him cry it out before trying to pry, for it would just be useless.

Jisung offered comfort through small shushes now and then, rubbing circles across the back of Changbin’s hand with his thumb, resting his head on his shoulder. Chan pressed his cheek to the crown of Changbin’s head, offering occasional kisses to his temple. Touch was the biggest grounding comfort for Changbin, of course his boyfriends knew that.

As his cries became silent tears and soft sniffles the other two let silence linger for a little longer to ensure some peace, before they basically couldn't take it anymore. 

Jisung hooked his finger beneath the olders chin, raising his head to meet his red, ocean filled eyes.

"Baby, what's got you so upset?" 

Changbin was weak to the dropping of honorific’s, the term of endearment having rolled off the youngers tongue so softly it easily melted away the ice around his heart.

He sniffled, lips wobbling. He didn't trust his voice but he didn't like the looks of worry on the boys face anymore than his own unsteady emotions. 

"I can't do anything right, Sungie. I'm so useless. I could probably do everything I need to but it would all still feel like nothing—" his breath hitched, startling  him as more tears began blurring his sight. "I'd still  feel worthless." 

Chan gasped the same time as Jisung’s eyes widened. The older used his long arms to loop around Changbin’s waist and pull him into his lap, head shaking.

"How could you say that?" He wondered with disheartenment. "Do you not see how amazing you are?"

"If I were amazing I would've done something today or yesterday or even the day before that," Changbin protested sadly, eyes shaking with unshed tears. "This has been the worst weekend of writers block I’ve ever had and with nothing getting done I’m just letting everyone down.”

“You’re not letting anyone down,” Jisung laid his head down in Changbin’s lap, brow creased.

"A few off days doesn't get rid of your accomplishments baby,” Chan reminded.

Changbin gulped. “But I—"

"But what?" Jisung interjected. He sat up and nuzzled his face against the olders neck, littering a few kisses across his skin. "You’re so talented in so many different ways, baby. You’ve never been afraid of showing it, or proving yourself, even when you don’t have to.”

Changbin leaned deeper into the youngers touch, but he still feigned, unconvinced by his words even though he really wanted to believe them. Chan was eager to encircle both of them and contribute to the youngers statement.

"You work so hard Binnie, you’ve never let anyone down ,"  he pressed on.

"I've never done anything too great..." Changbin countered. "I've done mediocre at best, I— I’m not as good as you or Sungie, or even the other members. How can I be so passionate about something but be so horrible at it?” 

Chan and Jisung shared a look of shocked realization. Changbin really couldn't see what they did? They were both ready to object but Changbin sucked in a sharp breath, piercing at his lungs, and went on with his deprecating rant.

"I feel so overwhelmed, like if I don't make progress even for a day than I'm nothing," he huffed, finding it hard to make any sense. "I have no idea who I am without writing lyrics and producing, but some days I can't mark a single word on the page and there’s nothing creative left in my head then it's like the world is falling apart. There’s no sense of direction anymore. Nothings right because I can't be good enough, or just contribute a little, and I can’t breathe just  knowing I’ll disappoint and  not knowing  where the hell to go next." 

He let out a long winded sigh as he came to the end of his rant, but his eyes were murky all over again and his cheeks beat red with shame. A tear escaped his lash line as he blinked, falling promptly onto Chan’s hand. 

"Baby," he cooed and adjusted his hold so that Changbin was facing him. 

"You are the most dedicated, passionate  and  extremely talented person I know. You can’t force yourself to do things, you can’t force creativity. You’re not a machine you're human, and you can’t beat yourself up for that," he smiled as his words were actually something Changbin had once told him and Jisung.

In in a situation much like this one the two boys were frustrated about finishing a song. They were spending late nights at the studio for three days before Changbin had enough of his boyfriends carelessness and decided to drag them out of there one night. The two producers were close to having a breakdown over perfecting just one piece of the song, which Changbin would’ve unbiasedly argued was already perfect. The only way he had knocked some sense into them was with reassurance. 

‘ _You’re only human, you can’t force creativity, it’ll come to you’_

And after being forced home by Changbin for a few days break, all three of them managed to have a successful studio session a few days later and finish the song together, something Chan and Jisung gladly felt proud of.

Changbin hummed at the memory, almost feeling a bit silly for being able to preach such helpful things but not follow his own advice when it came to his problems. 

“Channie hyung’s right," Jisung ran his fingers through Changbin’s hair. "You have to be patient, let your mind rest. Your heart will know when the moments right."

Changbin let the words sink below the surface of his skin before speaking again. He still had tears shinning in his eyes and they'd have to fall eventually amidst his breathless exhales and sporadic sniffles. But he stole a look from Chan to Jisung, then stared back at his nervously fiddling hands with a heavy sigh.

"But.. are you sure it’ll be enough?" 

His boyfriends couldn’t just listen to the insecure sound of his voice anymore. 

Changbin yelped as two arms tackled him into the bed and a kiss was pressed forcefully to his cheek while another to his forehead. 

"You  are enough,  and whatever you do will be great," Jisung promised, continuing to press kisses to his cheek that had Changbin burning with a blush.

"To have as many accomplishments as you do at this age is so admirable," Chan agreed, smothering him with a tight squeeze. "You've done so much already, and you know Sungie and I will always be proud of you.”

Jisung joined Chan by practically squeezing the life of out Changbin with his own loving embrace. 

“We’ll always be proud of our baby,” Jisung smiled fondly.

"I'm not a baby," Changbin mumbled with fluttering eyes and a pout.  Chan bit back a literal squeal while Jisungcooed.

"You're _our_ baby," Chan corrected thumbing away the final stray tears escaping Changbin’s eyes. “We love you and we believe in you and whenever you need to be reminded of it we'll always be right here." 

"And no more talking bad about yourself!" Jisung declared. "We're going to sit with you every night and talk about all the good things that you did that day or anything nice that happened to you, just to make sure you're feeling good and being kind to yourself."

Changbin cocked her head, ready to question it, but Chan was already jumping up eagerly at the idea.

"We'll have you write it down so you'll never forget. So every day you'll  have  something to feel good about.” 

Changbin would protest as it seemed like another unnecessary thing his boyfriends would have to do for him, but then he realized that in itself was another negative thought, and maybe he could use some help and enlightening. Besides they both seemed so excited about helping that he didn't have the heart to dismiss them. 

Changbin knew it wouldn't be an easy task to battle the continuous loop of dread and anxieties he had, but his boyfriends had his best interest at mind, and for them he’d pretty much try anything. 

"I guess we could do that,” he hummed. 

"Good," Jisung beamed, before crashing down on him with relentless cuddles. " I really love you,  and it hurts seeing you so sad."

" I love you too,"  Chan glared light heartedly at Jisung for not being included in the statement. 

When they looked back down at Changbin, who was visibly worn out from his tears, he was lamely attempting to cover a yawn with his small hand. 

"Want to rest, baby?” Chan asked considerately. 

Changbin nodded against Jisung’s chest and held his hand out for Chan to take, which the older did, melting into an endeared grin.

"Sleep hyung, we'll be here when you wake up," Jisung promised, feathering kisses to the tip of Changbin’s nose. 

Chan joined in, snuggling both of them close to his chest, sighing contently. 

“I love you,” Changbin whispered, eyes closing as he surrendered to sleep.

“We love you too,” Jisung and Chan chorused back, sharing a soft smile at how much they loved the boy between their arms, before falling asleep as well. 

Even on the darkest of days, these three could always count on each other to clear the skies again.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you as always for reading! 
> 
> I know the world is a crazy place right now and the multitude of disturbances to our every day lives have accumulated. It’s important to take care of your health mentally and physically, and stay safe. Whatever you’re feeling is valid, and please be kind to yourself <3


End file.
